Ever thought what anger does to you? I don’t expect any revelation of profound wisdom but yet would love to mention one thing! It ‘alienates’ people. And people as in not those 6-7 billion strangers but just few chosen ones that are supposed to be your closest ones. How dare we express our anger at those strangers because first, we know we are scared of unfavorable reaction and second, this let-out may lead to something far more destructive than colossal after-effects of anger! The fact that, if we shout and scream at our closes ones, they won’t shut us out from their lives. They will soon forgive us, forget the incident and will continue loving as it was before! No enlightening testaments!
But do we, especially I realize my anger does much more than what I have told above? It gives me a feeling of déjà vu every time because its an indication of me taking all those lovely people for granted and that too, with alarming regularity. I keep hurting them and then I keep expecting them to come back to me because they should realize that I am precious! What a fallacy! I was terribly upset today. Frustrated? Oh, yes! That too!
And that led me to blast few people who have loved me the most. In the same context, i feel having a clear conscience is a far greater sin than not having one at all. Either you can be happy or sad. Either you can rejoice your mistakes and don’t feel any remorse about whatever dastardly things committed by you! But conscience is a tricky concept. It does not let you celebrate your mistakes. It should have been a fair game. You hurt someone and for that your anger must feel happy because it fulfilled its purpose. Yet, you are devoided of any guilty pleasure and all you are left with is ‘I should not have said that/done that’ etc etc kind of feelings! How unfair! I go through same routine every once in a while. I used to think I have acquired the needed control over it but I was mistaken. I again did the crime that I have been doing for several years. I am not getting any younger. My inner self is getting hard as wood. Changing my particular traits are going to be extremely difficult as I grow older. Today was a good reminder! Hope I learn these much needed skills!