These days I find myself prone to unpleasant outbursts and excessive mood swings. So what’s new in that? Right? Well, yeah! ;P I think I have used the word ‘mood swing’ more than any other word ever used by me. Perhaps, without me even realizing it I have this word and feeling such stratospheric importance that now it’s out of my control. From what was used to be a simple problem has turned into a bundle of several other things. ‘Excuse’, ‘escape route’, ‘hurting methodology’ and so many other things have found themselves manifested in a single phrase of ‘I have mood swing problem’. Well how long Mr. M? Every once in a while I feel like working on it and improving my otherwise normal ‘cheerful disposition’ towards life. But soon complacency creeps in and my efforts fall flat on its face. Long live my mood swing!
The worst part about this particular situation is it affects others as well. How hard I try not to involve my loved ones in this self-created mess, yet I end up making them a part of it. I totally despise it. How would others know that the gut we were talking to few hours ago has suddenly ventured into this non-communicative zone? It would amount to having too much of expectations from mortals. Sometimes, I try to keep myself at others’ place and think about how I would react. Well, I don’t think the answer I discovered pleased me.
What baffles me even more is as such no actual event transpires between M of one hour before (when I was all hunky-dory) and M of right now (when I find myself pissed at bloody everything)! It’s just my thought process that needs to be blamed. In one hour everything starts looking bleak and irritating. And if my thought process tends to go haywire then it’s my mind’s job to control it and I am afraid to admit I feel far too lazy to instruct my mind. It also implies that I am not in charge of my mind and that’s not exactly a ‘feel-good’ realization. Adding salt to the wound, I even plan the way out of it and yet there is an eternal gap between planning and execution steps. I be damned for seeking others’ inputs in this aspect because as far as emotional and mental sides of my personality is concerned I was always far too upright to stand in a recipient zone. Well, to sum up nothing as such drastic is required. All I need to do is just to ‘tighten few screws’ and that will lead me to steal few more moments to cheer every small thing in life.
Silent Whispers 