Silent Whispers

Chasing Illusionary Butterflies!

Posts Tagged ‘random opinion’

Living the Lie

Posted by Mrityunjay on August 27, 2011

How do you know where the alphabets are? Perhaps you are aware of the story unfolding through your life but will it be relevant or worthwhile if you are still not sure about the words, sentences, language and most importantly, alphabets? A story of your life is more like a continuation of indelible fingerprints of your past. The past, that I thought I had left behind, buried in the earth, in my conscience but past always has this nasty habit of surprising you every now and then.

Clearly, I am ranting. Not even making sense. But do we really need to make sense all the time? Logic by interpretation can be as flawed or as perfect as you want to make of it. The problem with our lives is that, we tend to rely on another’s meanings of our individual lives. Call it fantasy or a figment of reality created by our own fantasies which just about manages to make our lives more livable by the sheer virtue of it being meaningless.

We are at crossroads. In an era of mix-n-match where reality and virtual, original and duplicate, truth and lies etc tend to overlap each other. Every new discovery highlighted in the science section of the newspaper is contradicted with a contrasting revelation next day in the same space. Then, are we really what we assume us to be or is it merely an extension of what we have portrayed ourselves to everyone around us? Think hard. Keep pondering. Let me know if you find an answer or did you just switch the mental channel? It’s hard to find answer when we know, we see what we want to see or what we are conditioned to see.

In the ongoing chaos, life that is, it is not really uncommon to run out of things to say to everyone. In the same vein, it does not take long to miss your inner voice and kindness that you usually used to offer all and sundry. When did the transformation take place? Was it intentional or nature’s way to cure us of our own imperfections and vile? Withering of virtues like love, integrity, trust, empathy etc in this season of discontent was natural progression of increasing restlessness. These virtues become mere words which you are no longer able to connect to. It is a futile attempt to disengage with the detachment that has slowly engulfed your existence. One can still feel the feelings or mull over emotions as he/she used to do few winters earlier but connection is lost now. If this is what has started to define you then what is actually you & what is me?

The crux of the problem is internal. No matter what you do on external, it can’t be fixed. Hatter does not offer any tricks here. Neither fighting your way to catharsis ala Tyler Durden will cure the restlessness and this constant buzzing of lump at your core. It’s painful when people, family no longer trust you but it’s simply unbearable when you don’t trust yourself any more. What more, you tend to dive deep in the abyss of withdrawal hastened by emotional disconnect. The cacophony of the world gives way to complete silence. Eerily quiet. You tend to feel even more scared. Even the Neo Andersons of the world cannot solve life’s rubric cube all the time. Yes, it’s mundane stuff but does knowing its mundane attribute stop us from having a two-sided conversation where there is only one person involved?

You know, we all feel guilty. Rather, we all are addicted to guilt for everything and anything. So what you want to do about it? There is no answer as far as I know even if you remove the whys and wherefores from the discussion. It’s almost like an onion where you peel one layer after another, you keep shedding tears and yet the unraveling of innermost layer will not be much different from the outermost one. Perhaps, we should apply different perspective by measuring relative worth and value of the layers. Oh!

Value system is a skewed thing. You were taught about it. Preached about its importance and yet you cannot find/develop a perfect value system. Instead, your values oriented conscience coerces you to make up for the flaws and unfairness of a million things in the world. Same loop of errors. We can always look at what is yours and what is that of others we were dealing with, but ‘what is mine’ will always draw a blank stare. A disaster awaits at every nook and corner when you are too much focused on value system.

With increasing age, it gets real tiresome to be in constant conflict with surroundings of the world. Imagine the trouble of moving along barbed wires on all sides while scraping your soul in search of peace and contentment! It’s no longer fun to ride this rage-enjoyment-obnoxious cycle. Most of our problems stem from the gap between ‘is’ and ‘could have been’. It is also the cornerstone of who and what we are. Not all of us want to be something or someone by reducing this gap between ‘is’ and ‘could have been’. And that’s especially true for creative people who usually tend to face the worst and feel the worst amidst the standard hegemony of mediocre souls.

I guess, ranting does liberate you a bit. Noting more than that. Ranting, raving and screaming for a greater cause, for an ideal goal, for a wonderful vision is actually a mirage. There is no goal. And world will not be affected even one bit whether you find your mission or not. It’s a sign of delusion to impose self-supremacy on your being. A far more feasible idea would be to try being a normal, ordinary and decent human being. The emotional cycle will keep running in the same fashion and yet life will remain unaffected. Let’s go back to circles. Let’s live the lie.

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Donkey’s Existence

Posted by Mrityunjay on December 6, 2009

The events of last few days or let us say, weeks has triggered kind of introspection-chain. Quite a few times, I wondered about whether being stagnant makes changing events of the world unnoticeable to me? But, I guess not! It does not really matter whether you are being stagnant or moving at a nano-second speed, things keep changing and you will be forced to notice them. Yes, if you are one of those active types, you will rather notice the changes quickly and in turn will be better equipped to handle the subsequent effects. Whereas, people like me who are more of laid-back nature and into the notorious habit of procrastinating, would be slow to react and adept quickly. The subconscious mind will be noticing each and every thing because of the fact I am always tuned to things taking place within the realm of my interest and even beyond that.

Sometimes, it feels that the best state of mind is to remain ignorant. You wouldn’t know what is happening and how is that going to affect you in short to long run. But problem is, you are hungry for ‘k’nowledge and even manage to acquire this dreaded K-word but if you are slow to process them, there are higher chances of you being confused at crucial junctures of your life. All the three angles of this triangle, absorption, procession and execution should be in sync with each other. There is no other way out.  

I remember, once while attending a class based on operation Management, I was told about four states of knowing,

1)    You know that you know

2)    You know that you don’t know

3)    You don’t know that you know

4)    You don’t know that you don’t know

Till the date I have always remained confused about these four states of being. For first couple of years, I always lived in the certainty of being in first two categories. That knowing of the state I am in, used to give me immense satisfaction and boost. How the tide has turned! Now, I think I am more in the level 4; the stage of Ignorance!

Have you ever observed a donkey and stigmas attached to it? Donkey signifies the ultimate insult and humiliation to your intellect or rather, existence! But is donkey aware of any of these exalted nomenclatures? Probably, his happiness arises from the fact that he is a donkey and that’s what is expected of him. To remain ignorant! We are slave to our own perception barometer! But, if a donkey is expected to behave within its limitations and not perform any smart act, are we humans any different? This question may lead to plethora of arguments but I am not in a mood to buy any of these.

Donkey’s life dictates, wake up, perform your daily chores, deserve some punishment, eat whatever you are being offered and sleep. Do humans behave any other way? Here, I think I can offer arguments from both side pertaining to humans’ exalted position in the microcosm, his ability to rise beyond the limitation, power of thinking and what not! But having said all that leave all those possibilities to a selected few whereas rest; please do adjust with your ‘donkey’ existence!  

Image courtesy-

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