Silent Whispers

Chasing Illusionary Butterflies!

Connecting the Dots

Posted by Mrityunjay on August 11, 2011

Words are easy and comfortable. If they were not, Boyzone would not have found such stupendous acceptance with “words are all I have to take your heart away”. But in the quagmire of modern communication, words also regress to the lowest common denominator. Usage of words differs from person to person. If I talk specifically about myself, words serve as a tool to indicate my external needs. At one point in my life, I used to indulge in rambling ragas but now a day, I don’t feel like saying much and whenever I do, words never seem adequate.

Life seems much more comfortable when you are cocooned in your own bubble. This is no ordinary bubble. It’s a magical one hiding customized thoughts about things I have done, things that I want to do and things that have gone right and things that have gone wrong. Past eight months have witnessed a little bit of everything but mostly as afterthoughts. In the process, you do come up with plenty of revelations. But like everything, revelations cost you. It could be despair, darkness and brutality of factual and perceived reality. Talking about reality is one thing and accepting it is a completely different ballgame altogether. Like Alice swirling into a vortex, you too, also find it hard to see any light. You hope for the gravitational pull to work against the overwhelming despair you keep encountering but life does not offer you answers for each and every thing.

Life is a motion in perpetuity but not all of us have the will to attempt any sort of motion, all the time. Finding a path is probably easier in a Norman Vincent Peale’s book but what do you do when you are lost in a maze, unable to find the path- the existence of which you are aware of but you simply can’t find it?  Things get trickier when you recollect from your memories that a path was used to be there somewhere but is not visible to your eyes.

Most of us seek alignment in life. We like things to be in order. In place. Just a few days back, you have cleaned the top shelf of your drawer and this morning, you find a fine layer of grey dust on it. What now? Go through the same rigmarole? See, alignment was disturbed all over again. You start losing your urge. Inner mooring goes for a toss. You go through the process of rinse-repeat so many times that you are no longer aware of your own feelings about the entire process. What, how and why of the feelings get back to that swirling in the vortex stage.

You call yourself a weirdo or a reincarnation of your own dormant desires.  But it wouldn’t help either. Then comes the question, ‘What do you want to do with your life’. I am no Zig Zigler.  So I wouldn’t be able to answer that. Also because, such answers are conditional to your own expectations and the expectations of others, which doesn’t help either. I would have tried forcing a philosophical angle to that but for the fact that, it is an absurd ritual to find your own importance and place in life. You keep experiencing a new layer of your hidden persona, your buried perspectives and skewed value system every day until you become a permanent slave to the flaws and unfairness of a zillion things in the world. Perhaps, I am still learning about the mysterious ways of life however, learning seems much better in retrospect than in real time. Intent and outcomes need not work in sync. Connecting the dots of our life is more of a fantasy and that is what existence is all about.


One Response to “Connecting the Dots”

  1. Bhawna said

    Great write up buddy.

    Just overwhelmed after having read this one.

    And I cannot put it in any better way, than what you have written. 🙂

    At one or the other point of time in our lives, we all have faced the question of “why am I existing in this world “?

    And the day, this question rises, is time to realise, the cocoon and the usual “shor sharaaba” of this world has started to taste “not good” and thus, one starts wandering into a different direction. Into a space, that one has not been there before. Now comes the time, when one wants to explore many a new things, on his/her own… independently. Probably, we are in a Transition phase.

    This pase could be as much as disturbing , as much as it could bring one more closer to his own self…… A desire, to get to know ones own self…. that could include, even venturing into the zones of meditation and self discovery…. by any means that one gets to know about.

    And about that alignment thing, accepting our ability to create a disorder, would prolly help us understand how to bring some order in our lives. Joining these scattered dots is surely not an easy task, but most imporatntly, one needs to know, where are these all dots scattered…. who knows, missing out on a few of these dots, might just never allow us see a beautiful picture, that life wants us all to see 🙂

    [dunno if it made any sense, just felt like writing it ]

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