Silent Whispers

Chasing Illusionary Butterflies!

Is Marriage The End of Romantic Love?

Posted by Mrityunjay on May 4, 2009


Love is an ever-changing concept. The dynamics changes so swiftly that it leaves you wondering about the longitivity of the concept. This eternal concept is especially put under the scanner after the marriage takes place. Do you still sweat profusely while going on a date with your better-half as you did few years back? Your hands still fidget nervously? Or do you still check your cell-phone for any ‘important’ sms or missed call? Find yourself looking dreamily at the speeding fan? Think of your beloved when it rains and you are standing all alone in your balcony?

So what happened? Romance frittered away from your life? Will quote something from “The Mirrors Has Two Faces” (of Barbara Streisand) – ‘illusions about love and the emphasis on sex keep people lonely. Love does not last long. They never tell us what happens after marriage, because there is no ‘after’. The be-all and end-all of romantic love is- marriage’! Dare to disagree? I am waiting for your profound logics!  

What happens later on is some perpetual cribbing about lovers turned husbands/wives! How hard I try to feel optimistic about the notion of marriage, I can not negate the fact that it does takes away the rush of adrenaline and thrills associated with romance. At the same time I will have to admit that despite the downsides, we continue dreaming, we continue loving and loved in return. That leaves me with another perspective that we still love or we are still loved but we are not in love. For each one of us, love is a different concept. For some, it’s a sharing-caring thing, for others it’s more like knowing in and out of other person right from his/her choice of undergarments to favorite soap! Few others will come up with things like, to be able to be myself and where we don’t need to pretend or act. Fine!

How would I define? Well, to be honest I am confused. But whatever little I know I can say that it’s more of combination of hundreds of happy moments shared together. Small things make a big difference in the final analysis. It builds up with time. Yes, romance and passion are integral parts of it but in the hindsight, there are merely phases. You grow out of that physical intimacy. It has been said that, love lasts forever but state of being in love does not last. It doesn’t because it cannot! Like everything else, romance also has an expiry date. But the understanding you share with the person, the bond you managed to create over the years will always be there with romance or without romance!

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10 Responses to “Is Marriage The End of Romantic Love?”

  1. nazi said

    Your post confused me? Is it for marriage or against it? if romance and passion are just phases, they would end, whether two people get married or not right? a bunny said once, that we gotta work on our relationship every day. Its upto us whether we believe marriage would make us work, or push us away from the relationship. No bindings, no commitment can define can the phase of love. If it goes out of marriage, thats coz we stopped working for it…

    Loved the post:)

    • Hey, thnks for the read. But what i wanted to convey was marriage probably expedites the end of love. end may not be the right word but marriage definitely takes away that zing from the love. Yes, we need to work on it everyday but i doubt how effective that would be once you are through the aisle.
      I am glad you liked it. 🙂

  2. nazi said

    and i forgot to tell you…I totally love the display pic:D

  3. Rups said

    Interesting write. What I may write is only what I derive out of my experience. Yes, we do not get nervous when we go for a date with our better half. or check for important sms etc.

    The definition of what we consider thrills of romance changes into a more mature relation. This change is for the better, however I feel it is upto people individually to accept this change.

    The point that has been put forward in this post is a point that is reached in any relation, be it with parents, children, friends, lovers. It is the point when insecurities fly away and the relation takes a new turn. I guess what happens is an individual gets used to the relation, maybe sometimes therefore takes it for granted.

    The whole thought of romance dies after marriage, i do not agree with this. But it would be hard to describe more in words as to what actually happens.

    • Hey Rups, thnks for dropping by.
      I am not saying that whole notion of romance dies once you marry but that excitement, that zing and that passion gives way to something that is boring, dull and non-exciting. The relationship changes dynamics and i wonder how satisfied both partners feel after the tie-up?!

  4. Mabel said

    “love lasts forever but state of being in love does not last”.. Hmm, made me think of the so-quoted line motivation doesn’t last long; neither does bathing; that’s y we recommend it daily!!Guess love fits in place of motivation..

    Again, another dialogue in Metro; “Rishte gurantee card se thodi aathe he; kaam nahi kar rahe tho badal do.” So, as you said the understanding, care and acceptance replaces the romantic love in those relations which survive.

    To sum up, love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, the romance and you find out you still care for that person.. N its this love that sustains after the initial euphoria passses out..

    Nice post, but this is just the tip of the ice-berg, right?? 🙂

  5. Nikita said

    is romance only what we do before marriage?
    who decides that the love post-marriage is not romantic nemore? a surprise hug from behind is romantic. so is an early morning cup of tea. my parents are defi romantic even after 22 yrs i think! the little things, ji. little things 😛

  6. mP said

    This is exactly what scares me, i dont want to run out of love after marriage. i just want the love to grow.

    generally what happens is that after marriage, people start taking each other for granted. u no longer might want to ‘impress’ ur better half like u did before marriage coz that time u were scared of losing her but its sad that after marriage people tend to feel as though ‘we’re married, we have to stay together’ types! which is very very wrong coz taking each other for granted just destroys everything.

    why cant people just be the same? why the change? marriage isnt meant to reduce the love two people share instead its supposed to do just the opposite!

    not all couples fall out of love but many do blaming the situations, money matters, kids ..
    whatever. there arent less things to put the blame on.

    living with a person in the same house is difficult which is why i suggest some years of live-in and then marriage. i think this is a very convenient method wherein u are given the space and time to cope up ..slowly.

    i dont know if in future i might continue sweating when i go for a date with my better half but im sure i wont stop thinking of him dreamily when it rains 😉

  7. MP, what erlaborate and thought-provoking reply! I am really glad you gave such serious thoughts to a topic like this. I must agree the pertinent point you raised and your suggestion of first livin-in was almost like bang! I think same way and it was real heart-warming to find someone with same sort of pinion.
    I am glad you dropped by and left your valuable comment.

    Thanks. keep visiting..:)

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